Coming out of the closet. In Punjab

A closet door opens. M comes out of it and starts walking with a determined look on his face, and fearful feeling in his heart. What would his parents say?

He enters the drawing room – where his parents and all his Ludhiana relatives are sitting; holding their drinks in their hand and laughing loudly; talking at the top of their voices to outshout each other.

He says loudly “Papa, mujhe kucch kehna tha”

Papa replies “ Bolo beta..accha just pass me the scotch from there”

“Papa mujhe mundiaan naal”..suddenly there is pin drop silence. “Papa mujho ladko ke saath..matlab ladkiyon ke saath..sharaab peena pasand nahin hain; mujho ladkon ke saath bhi sharaab peena pasand nahin hain”…everyone starts to look concerned..

“Infact sach to yeh hain ki mujho sharaab ka taste hi pasand nahin hain”

The entire family is shocked. Stare at each other, no idea how to respond. Religious nani looks on lovingly, Drunkard Uncle looks..well drunk. ‘Free’totaller cousin brother looks totalled. Alcoholic aunty gulps her wine down protectively. Aunty 2 who hates the taste too, but cant admit it, puts her glass down in relief.

Frequent ‘social’ drinker Father looks embarrassed, looks up and says “Tu kesa Punjabi hain”

“But papa, I am Punjabi. I love kulchas. Tandoori chicken vi pasand hain. I love lassi; and infact think ‘gudd’ is pretty good too..”

Drunk Uncle “Oye chup oye. Papa naal muh ladhanda hain. Pher drinks noo na chhua te haath kaat daanga”

Cousin “Tussi ainvayee naraaz ho rahe munde te. Nahin pasand te nahin pasand. Koi nahin beta, tu beer hi pee le...”

Move to scene where Mom & Dad are talking later

Dad : “Tune bigaad diya munde nu. Aur karo dharmik baatein. Aur baato gyaan. Aur kisne bola tha ki Fruit Beer pilaane ko”

Mom : “Aapne hi bola tha. Aapne socha Fruit Beer ka matlab hain Kingfisher mein Seb. Aur waise bhi, whats the problem. Non-veg to khaata hain, cigarette bhi kabhi kabhi mere se chura leta..aur pichle hafte I saw him smoking a joint too”

Dad : “No..thats not the same thing! Smoking is against our culture! Alcohol is the real thing; the sign of a true Punjabi. Mujhe to shak ho raha hain, ki ab DNA test karoon”

Mom : “How dare you? Bhool gaye ki he burped out loud in every single party till last year? What other proof do you want he is your child?” Mom runs off crying.

Dad : Hum to lut gaye. Kaun shaadi karega iske saath?

Next few days in Ludhiana – social ostracisation begins :

“Tu suneya Kapoor ji de munde de baare ch?”

“Munda boli da mitha hain, meinoon ki pata si je wo..”

“Saw him at 6 am that day when I was heading home. Looked completely sober even at that time! Wtf is wrong with him”

“Lets not call him for the cards party. People will be uncomfortable. What will I offer him?”

“I believe in equality of rights. To each his own. Like mine is Black Label, Happy likes Mc Dowells and Goldie from Canada likes Rosy wine”

Next Party – a day before M and family head back to Delhi

Uncle : “Aao beta aao. Kya loge. Dhoka Cola banaoo?”

Aunty : :Aur beta, Kaise ho. Peena shuru kiya ke phir relapse ho gaye ho Sprite pe”

Papa : “Nahin nahin, rehn do ji. Munda te khota nikleya..”

M now breaks out angrily : “Papa..sab aapki galti hain. (Now sadly with background score) 15 ki umar mein aapne hi bola – yeh le beta beer pee le. Itna kadwa taste, ki uske baad mujhe taste pasand hi nahin aaya. Aur college ke time ka saara rebellion to aapne us hi din nikaal diya – jab baap hi pila raha hain to rebel kisse karoon?”

Last scene : M slowly walks towards the closet, opens it and sits down. Angrily opens a bottle of mineral water; gulping it down bottoms up; much like Bollywood heroes down whiskey bottles. Music plays in the background….Mujhe peeni hain peeni hain..